It’s that time of the year. The ARIA Awards are here, and will be happening tomorrow night at the Star Casino, an uncharted wasteland near the harbour where no lock out laws apply and violent incidents are wildly under-reported in a move beneficial to the government, the shareholders, and numerous business interests. But let’s not dwell on that! The carpet is great — the type where you can spill a drink and it is absorbed before a Chux gets anywhere near it — and that’s the regular carpet, not even the red carpet. It’s quite a glamorous location for an awards do.

Anyway, let’s predict some winners.

DISCLAIMER: These results were arrived at through a combination of mathematics, stone cold facts, chart analysis, guess work, the positioning of various items of furniture in order to create a fortuitous flow of energy through the room, and irrational self belief. I have omitted the publicly-voted awards, as they don’t count, and the Blues and Roots, Children, and Country categories, as I find them — personally-speaking — quite boring.

Apple Music Album Of The Year

A.B. Original for  “Reclaim Australia” (Golden Era Records/Universal Music Australia)
Amy Shark for “Night Thinker” (Wonderlick Recording Company)
Gang Of Youths for “Go Farther In Lightness” (Mosy Recordings/Sony Music Australia)
Illy for “Two Degrees” (ONETWO/Warner Music Australia)
Paul Kelly for “Life Is Fine” (EMI)