This morning while heading to work, we were listening to Notorious B.I.G’s Greatest Hits and laughing at one of his less-than-successful boasts, which you’ll read about below. This started a conversation about how a lot of the posturing on hip hop tracks comes across as unwittingly hilarious.

Below are the funniest ones I could recall off the top of my head, because deep research is for suckers.

Enjoy, and feel free to add to the list in the comments; like our list of the least rock ‘n’ roll words used in rock songs, this is a living document and the good work is never done.

Juicy – Notorious B.I.G. 

“Phone bill about two G’s flat
No need to worry, my accountant handles that.”

Translation: I signed a prohibitively expensive phone contract, and you better believe I am making long-distance calls, returning calls after being paged (often at 5:46am), and copping excessive roaming charges for my brick mobile phone. Car phone? You better believe it. #ThugLife. I am paying for this, but my accountant settles the bill, despite letting me know passive-aggressively that perhaps I should reconsider my phone habits.

Forgot About Dre – Dr Dre and Eminem

Hated on by most these niggas with no cheese, no deals and no G’s
No wheels and no keys, no boats, no snowmobiles, and no skis